You ever have your “best friend” lie to you – on purpose? How about someone who would steal from you even though you would’ve just given them anything had they just asked? By all means, I’m no saint but – I. Fucking. Hate. Liars. It is the worst sin you can commit in any relationship. My dad has always said, “the foundation of any relationship is trust.” Without it, well, there’s no point in continuing the f*cking relationship. Am I right?
This Bitch Here
I recently ended my relationship with my person, my BFF – my ride or die. All because of her pathological lying (and maybe a few other things but the lying is the kicker). This bitch here used to preach to my kids about how they shouldn’t lie to me – ever – it’s the quickest way to lose my trust, and once that’s gone it’s hard as hell to get it back.
This bitch here, not only did she steal a camcorder out of my office, but she also wouldn’t admit that her and her paranoid boyfriend thought we were taping them. Instead, she blamed said theft on her on-
again-off-again abusive dope dealer. Yeah it’s a sad, sick, sordid story that I just can’t bring myself to write it all out yet. Too many emotions start brewin and I get so mad at this assface who claimed she was my “sister”. Growing up with two younger brothers, I always begged for a sister to no avail. The ‘rents weren’t havin’ it. I’ve had a few call me their sister over time but I had never felt like I belonged until I met her over ten years ago. We’ve been through some shit too and I honestly believed nothing could break that bond. I was wrong. You see, Tammy happens to have a large problem with meth. Yep, the worst of the worst and the nastiest of the nasty. Don’t get me wrong, I love to party just as much as the next guy, but she is an addict who will do anything. Sadly she’s not the same soul I fell in love with back then and couldn’t imagine my life without. Getting super close to her dealer who was going through a nasty domestic abuse charge-slash-breakup and nowhere near ready to date. He was fun – a great guy who was super, made dick jokes and you couldn’t deny their connection – they are each other’s selves! All that changed the first time he “choked her out.”
The Nasty-Ass Drug
I’ve been through domestic abuse and I’ve stayed way too long to justify, but if I couldn’t see my kids due to double black eyes, a fat, busted open lip and bruises up and down my body, I’d rethink all my decisions – EVER. Her? Nope, she can’t let go the dope long enough to pull her head out of his ass. He would come over and hang for a bit and completely rip her apart. Told me he would “snatch her up” if she talked to him in a certain way. At first I thought he was all talk and he was kidding, but then I saw her. She begged me to “let it slide,” “let it go,” “it’ll be okay,” “I deserved it” (I have NO doubt she deserved it; she has never known when to stop) but jesus. So I bit my tongue for a long time because she wouldn’t let me do anything else.
They leave each other every other day – it’s exhausting and I’ve told them both as much. When you are in your mid to late 30s there should be a warning sign on loud-speaker saying
, “SLOW THE FUCK DOWN OR YOU’RE GONNA DIE.” Neither one of them has seen this sign and they don’t care to. He’ll be off to prison in January, and due to her habits, she has lost almost everyone in her life – even her son. She gave up, the dope won and I promised D I would quit her for good. She’s become a toxic train wreck that I just can’t take care of anymore.
When I found out she didn’t show up for the custody hearing, I lost it. I thought what a fucking douche canoe! I couldn’t understand her train of thought, sure no lawyer but at least show the fuck up. Nope and with her ex’s new wife and their cutthroat attorney, she’ll be lucky if she gets to continue visitation with her little man. This little boy spent more night with us for the last year she had him with her. I miss that little shit – we all do. Anyway, I thought I was done, I told D not to let her in and she came anyway. A sobbing, panicked little girl acting like she lost her blanky if I walked out of her life. Yet she’s the same little girl who called me bitter and mean a week later.
So now, bawling or not, I have released my demon and I can no longer bear the hurtful girl she’s become. What a waste and what a crock of real shit.
I’ll grieve later. Right now, I am done.
-j.
“It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth
when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.”
-H. L. Mencken, (1880-1956)
jen | again. 